As we entered the beautifully theologically rich season of Lent this last Wednesday, I must be honest and say I haven’t been looking forward to it this year. I usually appreciate Lent so much but let me tell you, this year it’s the last thing I’ve wanted to participate in. I am just now entering my second trimester of pregnancy (hence the absence from writing here the last few months), the seasonal depression is hitting hard, I’ve spent the last month weaning my toddler while being very nauseated and miserable in pregnancy, and other life things on top of it. The last thing I wanted to do was think of things I could give up or sacrifice. Maybe you’re in a phase of life or motherhood like this too. Maybe you feel like all you are doing is sacrificing yourself. Your body for your child, your sleep, your energy in keeping your home afloat, your everything for your family. Especially if you are mothering without family or a village around, it can be hard at times. How can you give another thing up when you feel like there’s nothing more to give at the end of the day, when you’re exhausted and depleted?!
As I’ve been reflecting and praying on this lately, I’ve encountered peace with remembering that God doesn’t want us to suffer for the sake of suffering. That’s not the point of giving things up for Lent. Lent is about growing closer to the Lord through fasting, prayer, & service (almsgiving). Giving things up can be a part of that, but it’s not the *point* of it. I’m reminded of the verse in Mark 2:27, “Then he said to them, ‘The sabbath was made for humankind, and not humankind for the sabbath;’” God created the Sabbath as a gift to us to draw us closer to Godself. I believe the season of Lent falls under that same category. Lent can be a blessing not a burden. Maybe this year you choose to focus more on the prayer aspect of Lent. Praying more with your children, using prayer beads, journaling, praying during the long nights with waking babies and toddlers. Maybe you choose to focus more on the service aspect of Lent: bringing a meal to a family who needs it, offering to watch a friends child, serving your community, giving monetarily, volunteering in the church nursery, etc. You can still fast in this hard season of motherhood or life too. Maybe you choose something to fast that will truly bring you closer to God, but isn’t going to make you hate your life either. There’s no asceticism contest to be a follower of Christ or in motherhood. Jesus seeks you and your heart, not how much can you make yourself suffer. Remember that even while we do focus on our mortality and death during Lent, Jesus came to bring LIFE, and life to the fullest! (John 10:10). Maybe you fast from something simple, but still impactful. I think I’ll choose to fast certain times of day from my phone. This is something I can actually do that would both help me focus more on God, as well as be a more present mother to my child. I’m going to be reading a few Christian/theology books over the next 40 days as well as being more attentive to my prayer life. It doesn’t have to be extreme to be impactful.
Motherhood truly does change the way you see God and humanity. It’s okay if it changes the way you participate in different spiritual practices. God of creation, sees you creating and sustaining life, living out the image of God in your family. The God who gave of his body and blood, sees you sacrificing your body for your children. God sees the many ways you serve Christ through the act of mothering. It’s often an invisible work to the rest of the world, but God sees you, God loves you, and God will meet you where you are this Lent.
I want to share a favorite poem of mine for this Ash Wednesday:
All those days you felt like dust, like dirt, as if all you had to do was turn your face toward the wind and be scattered to the four corners or swept away by the smallest breath as insubstantial—did you not knowwhat the Holy One can do with dust? This is the day we freely say we are scorched. This is the hour we are marked by what has made it through the burning. This is the moment we ask for the blessing that lives within the ancient ashes, that makes its home inside the soil of this sacred earth. So let us be marked not for sorrow. And let us be marked not for shame. Let us be marked not for false humility or for thinking we are less than we are but for claiming what God can do within the dust, within the dirt, within the stuff of which the world is made and the stars that blaze in our bones and the galaxies that spiral inside the smudge we bear. —Jan Richardson from Circle of Grace: A Book of Blessings for the Seasons
What are you focusing on this Lent?
Be Blessed & Be a Blessing,
-Maddie